Another Father's Day..

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33


I read this today and wanted to share. Read if you would like!
http://biblicalcounselingcoalition.org/blogs/2012/02/20/5-things-infertile-couples-want-others-to-know/

I think this relates to what I was saying in a recent blog post. Sometimes
we feel so left out. Today is Father's Day....a day that I know my husband wishes he could be part of. Today we left church and he felt so left out. Listen we love to celebrate our dads and wish everyone a lovely Father's Day, but it doesn't take the pain away from what we are dealing with. For the past two years we have said we will have a baby by next Father's Day or Christmas. Well....now we have stopped doing that. It cause us to hurt too much. As we are moving onto our next cycle we are trying to stay positive, but sometimes that pain of all the disappointment we have had takes a toll. All I want is to be able to give my husband a child. Is that too much to ask for? Apparently it is. It hurts so much when there is nothing wrong with him and it is all me. That just sucks. Being positive through all this makes situations better. We have our bad days and pick up the pieces the next day and move on.

Unless you have or are going through infertility you will never understand the pain we go through month after month. You will never know what it is like to have test after test, surgeries, being poked and prodded like an animal, taking medicine that changes your personality or going through In-vitro Fertilization(IVF). You will never understand why infertile women get upset when they see pregnant women or infants.


I am still waiting for my period. I am one day late. I know I am about to start. I have cramps and headaches. I wish the old hag would just show up  and go away because I want to be able to enjoy vacation without the old hag present. When you don't want her to show up she does and then when you want her to just come already she is late. Of course!!

Longing for a baby

Today I spent the day with my nieces at the zoo. As I was  holding my one year old niece I had such an empty feeling. I have that missing piece in my life that I want complete so bad. That missing piece is a child for Chris and me. I know that parenting is not easy..I know that it will be one of the hardest jobs I have, but it is also so rewarding. It is hard when everywhere you go there are families. Even church can be a left out experience sometimes. I try to be positive, but then some days I wonder if this will ever end?! I pray on a daily basis that God will heal my heart and give me peace....and I believe I have came a long way in my healing process and dealing with infertility. BUT, I am human and I still fall down and cry sometimes. That's ok! I have to realize that is ok and a part of the healing process. Geez, two years ago I wouldn't have believed you if you told me I was going to have infertility issues. Sometimes I wonder "Why me, God?" Then as one of my sisterhood (infertility friends) said these battles are given to the strongest people. I have become one heck of a strong woman in the past two years. My husband and I grew stronger in these two years and I never knew how much a man could love you with all this "hell" going on. We support each other more now than ever before. God knew what he was doing when I randomly met Chris 9 years ago. Yes, 9 years ago! Wow! :)

My sweet Grandmother Young and I talked on the phone today. She asked how I was doing...and then I got tears in my eyes. I love that woman so much because I know in all my heart that she cares and prays for Chris and me every single day! What a wonderful blessing she is and I am thankful God let her be my grandma.


So here we are moving on with our journey and refuse to give up. God has a wonderful plan for us and I am excited for our future child(ren).

We see Dr. Reshef in 6 days! I am so ready for that appointment! I have my acupuncture appointment in 2 days! I wonder what I will be told at that appointment? I will let you know.

For all of you that continue to pray for us thank you so much! :)