Our adoption

Sorry I have not updated in so long! First off our adoption home study was approved on December 3, 2014. Then a birth mom picked our profile on December 4, 2014. Then our sweet blessing was born on December 14, 2014. We are not allowed to share details or pictures at this time. Later in time I will share more about our beautiful story. We are truly thankful that God picked us to be parents of this child and forever thankful for this opportunity that at times we never thought we would have. After a long and painful 3 1/2 years we finally have our little miracle baby. Until later...

Treatments to adoption-what does it look like?

Here lately, I have been blogging less. I have at times felt like I do not have a lot to share or no one will relate. It is the awkward time where I stand between the fertility treatment and adoption world. It is weird and different. So, I thought I am going to share how this time is feeling for me. 
First, the sadness of not experiencing pregnancy is still very real and sad. I am not sure if this sadness will ever go away till I am in my grave. I have met so many wonderful ladies in the infertility world that I love dearly. Recently it has been hard to relate to a lot of them because I feel so alone in this part of my journey. Most of the girls I was the closest to have either had babies or currently pregnant. I am so happy for them, but such a lonely feeling for me. Every day I am more and more ok with the thought that I may never have a genetic baby. I know that God has a perfect little baby out there for us. I can't wait till that day! 
Now, we are on the adoption side which I can say is not an easy process either! You feel so judged by their questions because they dig for any negative they can get to...at least that is how it feels. I can honestly say though after beginning the journey to adoption this is the happiest I have been in a very long time. I finally feel like we have a light at the end of the tunnel. Our infertility and treatments were some very difficult times that most will never fully understand. The sadness, depression, feel helpless, and no control over anything really sucked! With adoption it is hard, but I feel like we are moving forward at least. Now we just wait...and wait..and wait some more till the perfect gift is given to our family. 
I have heard so many times just adopt after failed treatments. First, please don't say that to someone struggling to conceive. Can you imagine the feeling this couple has at not being able to have a baby? It is awful. Also, adoption is not easy and it is expensive. Adoption is a wonderful thing, but it is not for everyone. Adoption is for us though and we are so happy to be on this journey to our sweet baby. We have been preparing our nursery and having fun doing it. 
I thought the comments I got during my fertility treatments were bad...well I have heard some pretty pathetic comments towards adoption too. Here are a few.. Oh, when you adopt you will get pregnant! Wow, really? It isn't that easy people! I have been told that I am "lucky" that I don't have to experience pregnancy and delivery. I don't know how anyone would think I was lucky..I think that makes me pretty unlucky actually. Could you imagine not having the children you have or never having a baby? No matter how awful your pregnancy or delivery was. Aren't you scared the birth-mom will steal your baby? No, I am not. Open adoptions are great for all involved. Those mama's need our love and prayers so much. I pray for a love so fierce for my child's birth mom because that means so much to Chris and I. After attending our seminar I learned so much and took in so much. I cried and cried. You know, these women are giving the life of their baby to us and trusting us to parent. These women deserve to be loved and prayed for. They deserve to see pictures of their babies. They deserve to be respected. They do not deserve to be put down and told they made that choice. They made a decision that they felt/feel is best for their child. That takes a strong woman! 

Home-study

We had our home-study visit Thursday. It went great. We will receive a letter in about 3-4 weeks.  Then at that time we can be on the list for birth mom's to look at our profile. We are excited to see God's beautiful blessings come through. So excited for our journey to be parents.

Home study process

Sorry for the lack of blogging. Teaching again really drains me. I have no energy. Haha. Anyway, so here is an update. Chris and I both have done our interviews, test, etc. and now we have our final home study/couple interview tomorrow. I am taking a personal day so I will have the whole day off tomorrow! Yay! After this we will be on the list for birth moms to look at our profile! Yay! Please pray that God has a great woman out there ready to choose us! :) We are limited on what we can share with this process, but I promise soon we will be able to share lots of pictures etc. Just pray this is a fast and smooth process. I know God has a wonderful plan for our lives and a child perfect for us!

Sneak Peek Pictures

I hope you enjoy looking at a few photos from our photo shoot! We can't wait till we get them all! Jennifer Klotz photography did an amazing job! So happy with our photos and so glad she captured such an important part of this journey to adoption!

Adoption pictures

My sweet friend Emily made Chris and I a banner that says We're Adopting! My other sweet friend Julianne made the Growing in our Hearts board. I made the other one. I am so excited for our pictures!

Home study update

Yesterday I went to my doctor appointment. It went well and I really really really liked the doctor that Chris and I both saw. He shared his infertility and adoption story with me. It was nice having someone know the real pain of infertility and failed cycles. He said I know you've been through a lot and I hope your adoption journey is amazing as my wife's and mine. 
We also have set up our individual interviews for next month. October will be a busy month for us! :) 
I also have a sweet friend who was picked by a birth mom! I am so excited for her! She is a friend I met through this journey of infertility...and I am so blessed by her friendship and I can't wait to go to her baby shower!!

Adoption

We submitted our home study paper work on Friday. The adoption class is on October 10th. It will be about 8 weeks before our background checks come back. We are doing pictures later in the month of September. They will set up our interviews soon for our home study.

What's going on in the Mace family?

Hello all! Again...I really don't have much to blog and update about. We recently received our home study paper work that we can slowly start working on. We have to submit it all together and there are parts we have to wait till our class. It is a lot of stuff to fill out and honestly it makes me overwhelmed, but it will all be ok.

Chris and I decided to buy a boat! We have been wanting one for a little over a year, but we kept saying we might be pregnant..blah blah. So we finally just jumped on it! Yes, we know we could possibly get pregnant or get matched quickly, but the bigger picture here is that we are not letting infertility control us. We took the boat out Friday. It is a learning curve, but we had a lot of fun. I see lots of fun weekends ahead of this summer! 

That is about all going on in the Mace family. :) 

Overcoming fear

I feel like I am at a standstill with everything and don't have much to blog about. Today I read a friends blog about fear and it had me really thinking. Honestly, she is a lot better at blogging, writing, and standing in her faith than I am. I feel that sometimes I don't always lean on my faith in difficult times and really that comes from fear. Fear has really taken over my life. In the 3 years of fighting through infertility I have let fear take over...sadly. I have fears of never having children, never getting pregnant(I would be lying if I didn't tell you that I have this desire still), adoption fears, failed adoption, and the list really could go on. I don't think I am a bad person for having fear because really it is human nature, but as a Christian I know that God is my strength and I need to not have these fears. In a book I am currently reading it calls fear like cancer. Fear will eat away our faith! It is true it really does. When I have fear I start questioning and worrying about everything that is out of my control. We need to recognize the fear and let them go. I am trying my best to let go of the fears. I am not perfect and never will be so I know fear will creep in my life. My goal is to refocus the fears and lean on my faith more. I need to stop looking at all the wrong that "could" go wrong and believe! Believe that one day I will be rocking my sweet God chosen baby to sleep. Really that picture makes me a lot happier than the fears I have. The past few days I have some rough moments. Moments of sadness...especially with Mother's Day. Moments of sadness because my due date is coming up. Moments where I really wonder if God's plan is for me to be a parent. I have to let this all go. I have to trust God's words and promises to me. I will overcome this...I will be a mom soon. I will overcome these fears because God is my refuge and strength. God loves his people and he loves me. What a wonderful God we have. A loving God who will pull us through any situation in life. Everything in life isn't easy...we all have situations in life that tear us down, but God never leaves us! Isn't that awesome that God will never leave our sides even when we fail him daily!! What an awesome God we serve.

Application accepted

Our application was accepted to the agency we applied to. We have an invitation to attend the class, but it is not till October. The June class is already full. 


I wanted to share this youtube video for all that struggle with infertility, miscarriage, infant loss, still born, etc. You are loved and remember you have so much support behind you! I have an angel baby..I only was pregnant a short time, but that loss still hurts as my due date is quickly approaching. 

A compliment goes a long way!

We meet with our doctor tomorrow to discuss our failed IVF cycle tomorrow. I really have no idea what he is going to tell us. We submitted our first part of our adoption application last week. Now, we are waiting to hear if that agency accepts our application so we can move onto the class and home study paper work. 

I was talking to a girl I met through one of my sites I am on. She also has Endometriosis. She read my blog and then sent me a private message. She told me that she admired my strength to share my blog publicly and that I have a gift of writing. This really touched my heart because about 6 months ago I had a family member put me down for blogging and sharing about my journey. When I started blogging it was to express myself and to hopefully help someone through their journey. Even if it is only one person. She will never know how much those words meant to me!  

I would die for that..

 

It has been 5 days sense we got our results from our past cycle. We get stronger with each day. We have an appointment with our doctor May 6 to discuss our failed cycle and I think it will help even more with the closure process. I have done lots of thinking and praying for our future. Some things I will share and some of it I will just keep to myself for now. Tomorrow we meet with an adoption agency we are really interested in. I really hope we are happy with this place and it is a good experience. I have started filling out paper work. I have started looking a cribs and furniture that we both like for the nursery. I am still a little nervous about the unknowns of the adoption process, but as we move through it I know things will get easier. I used this song because I am 1 in 8. You probably know others who struggle. It is a hard struggle and each couple needs your support, love, and encouragement.

IVF cycle number 3= BFN

First, I apologize for not updating sooner. I didn't have the right words and was an emotional mess to post. Our third cycle failed. We found out Thursday. The call from the nurse was like a kick in the stomach! I sat there and cried, yelled, and questioned God. I felt forgotten from my God... but then I was reminded "For the sake of his great name the Lord will not reject his people, because the Lord was pleased to make you his own." 1 Samuel 12:22
My heart was breaking and it felt like my heart was shattered in a million pieces laying on the floor in my living room. I sat there thinking I am only 27...only 27. What in the world? How can this be happening? Is this a dream? You mean to tell me I may never experience pregnancy, the birth process, breast feeding? I will never get to look at my baby and see my nose, mouth, eyes, etc? Why? Is it ok for me to feel sad and angry? "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18  
Sometimes we get to a point where infertility treatments become too much and too painful for us to continue. We all have a point we have to stop...it is not giving up. It is a point where you know that the bigger picture is to be happy and get back to your happy self. The past few years and especially the past year has been filled with sadness and frankly little hope. I am tired of feeling this way and I am tired of not being happy. Chris and I deserve to be happy. I have had 2 surgeries and 3 IVF cycles in the past year. 2 failed cycles and 1 ended in an early miscarriage. If that does not show you the ups and downs we have experienced in the past year then I don't know what will. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your path straight. Proverbs 3: 5-6  We have decided that for now it is time to stop fertility treatments and stop actively trying to conceive. We are not saying that we will never do treatments again because we may. We meet with our doctor May 6 so we will hopefully have some new answers and I can assure you he will have a new plan because something is not right! But, for now we are not finding happiness with this journey and it is time for something new in our lives. We are going to start the adoption process. We meet with an agency next week. "God sets the lonely in families." Psalm 68:6 Sometimes you get to a point in life and what is most important to you! Chris and I have decided that we have a strong desire for children no matter what. It is more important then experiencing pregnancy. At the end of  the day we BOTH deserve to be happy and content and this adoption is what is moving in our hearts. We believe God has a great plan for us..we are not saying we will never conceive on your own or through a future treatment..but what we do know is that adoption is a miracle all in its own. We are excited for this new journey and really hope we continue to have the support of our family, friends, and blogger friends. We need your prayers, love, and support through this new journey. It will be hard. We know this is the best for us and that is all that matters. "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28 
We will continue to blog about our journey and share our experiences.  We just need a break from treatments for a while and find some happiness! 

Brighter days and a brighter future

Hello! I thought I would do a blog update since I haven't updated in awhile. People keep asking me how I am doing. Well, I am doing better with each day that passes. Yes, I am sad. I should be 10 weeks tomorrow and that makes my heart so sad. The one thing I do know is that in the last two and half years I have experienced a lot of pain and loss (month after month of no pregnancy) and failed treatments. So, this miscarriage adds to that loss and sorrow. I just know that I have to pick myself up and continue to push forward...I have no other choice. I am meant to be a mom one way or another. I have also in the last 2 1/2 years opened my mind and heart to more options to becoming a mom. I never thought IVF would be an option, but here we are moving onto IVF #3. At this point in my life I feel like we will adopt one day. Right now I am willing to try IVF two more times...that could change. I am just not sure how much more of this emotional journey I can take. It is draining and frankly I am just plain tired of all the failure. I pray and hope that IVF #3 is successful for us and we have a healthy pregnancy and I have a lot of hope in it. Hopefully we will get pregnant and stay pregnant. Then we can decide if we want an only child, adopt, or try IVF again. I am not sure what we will decide right now. I do know that if we adopt it will not matter what my child looks like and children make my heart happy no matter what they look like.

My prayer request at this time are:
*That God prepares Chris and I emotionally and mentally for IVF #3 (not till 2014)
*That the next IVF is successful and I stay pregnant
*For God to keep moving our hearts towards adoption in the future.
*To continue to give each other strength through this process.