Suppression check #1

My suppression check was today and when my doctor was doing my ultrasound I could tell he wasn't impressed. He sent me over for my blood work. The blood work confirmed why my doctor was not impressed. I am not suppressed yet. Being suppressed for a IVF cycle is important so that you do not ovulate when starting stimulation injections. So, now I am taking some pills (2 a day) till Monday. I will go back to the doctor on Monday for another suppression check. I am kinda bummed, but it will all be ok. I will not be starting my Stim meds yet. I have to wait a bit longer. What is a little longer anyway...It has already been 2 years. I will update again on Monday and hopefully with better news.

Update on IVF cycle #2

IVF cycle #2 is going slowly. I started my little Lupron injections on Sunday...They are in my belly. They are pretty easy and don't really hurt. I go in for a suppression check on September 4th! Please let me be suppressed so I can move on! ha-ha!

I started seeing a new acupuncturist. It wasn't that I didn't like the last one, but I just hated driving to Norman for the appointments. So, I found a closer one and I really like him a lot! He is super nice and he gave me a hug at the end of the appointment. I am really excited and I really hope this increases my odds for IVF. It is said to help improve by 40-60 percent. Currently I am going once a week to prepare my body for pregnancy. Then when I start my stim injections I will go twice a week. He will focus on multiple things during that time. One of which will be to improve my egg to a grade A at transfer!

I have also in the last two weeks completely changed my diet. Now, I have days where I eat out or have a sweet or something, but I am eating better and not over eating like I use to. I am trying to lose weight and especially not gain anymore during my injections! I have been running or walking everyday. I have lost 3 lbs so far. I know that is not much, but it is a big deal to me. I am only drinking one pop a day and I am trying to completely stop drinking it when I start my stim injections. That is my goal! :)

Anyway, not much going on here, but eventually it will start moving! Continue to pray for Chris and I. We really appreciate all the prayers and support!

Comfort my heart God

I am not sure what my deal is latley...maybe it is the long wait between IVF. I start my injections on the 18th. I am still so nervous. I pray for peace and comfort everyday. I pray that whatever God has in his plans for Chris and I that we are ok with it and that our hearts are at peace. We were going to go to an adoption informational meeting yesterday, but Chris had a work deal. So we can just make an appointment with them by ourselves. The problem I am running into with this whole adoption thing is, that moment when I turn and face that adoption demon in the face is the day I believe I am saying good bye to the possibility of ever experiencing pregnancy...I didn't say mom for a reason. I will be a mom one day and that child will be mine either way. I guess I want to give this next IVF cycle another chance before I feel like I am giving up on the last of the hope I have left. We said we would do three cycles, but emotionally I don't know if we can. Unless you have been down this path you have no idea what we are experiencing. So here I am praying that we will see a miracle in September, but I also know that it could not happen. That is a daily struggle for me. Chris is so supportive and is on the wagon for adoption...and don't get me wrong I totally am too. I want to adopt, but I also would like to be able to wait awhile before we do because it is expensive. Currently we have wonderful insurance coverage for our infertility. I believe God has wonderful amazing plans for us! I truly can't wait to see God's plan in our life. I wish it wasn't this difficult..but I guess nothing is easy, right?
Lately, I have been feeling lonely. It is really hard to talk to some people about what we are going through because they do not understand. I feel like it is more a pain to talk about because I don't want to annoy people, but we really need all the support and prayers right now we can get. I know that sometimes I fall short of praising my God. I am thankful for what God has done with Chris and my life. My relationship grows deeper with God everyday and I am trying to be a better Christian daily. I will fall short sometimes, but I hope and pray that others can see the amazing things God is doing in our lives.

Hold on for the ride of infertility

Only 2 more weeks till I start injections again. Chris and I finished our antibiotics and I am still taking birth control- The birth control is to suppress my ovaries if you are wondering. :) I have 10 antibiotic pills left that I will take when I do my trigger shot in September. It seems so far away.. Last time it was a lot faster since I had been on the Lupron Depot shot and my ovaries were already suppressed. I have a suppression check and blood work on September 4th. From the appointment on it will start getting more busy with appointments and injections.

I  wanted to write about some feelings that go on during IVF because for some people they just don't understand and for others who do then they know these are normal feelings.
IVF is a very emotional process and we are sometimes slightly emotional from the medicines we are injecting ourselves (or husbands are injecting us) with. So please give us a break when we are down, sad, and being cry babies. I know to try to stay positive through this positive, but sometimes it is very hard to do that...especially for me after a failed IVF already. We go through a lot of appointments, blood work, needles, vaginal ultra sounds, drinking water and holding your pee forever for the egg retrieval, IV's, bed rest, and etc through this process. At times it can be very overwhelming and sometimes a hug would be really nice or a sweet note. It really makes a difference...trust me. I have been pretty lucky with the support I have around me. I have friends and family who brought me meals after my surgery and after my transfer. It helps out so much!

I am in this weird area of my infertility journey.... I am more nervous and scared this go around. I am really trying hard not to be. I have been praying for peace and comfort because I don't want to feel this unpleasant feeling on my heart. For me, I really think it is just the fear I will never experience pregnancy. People who are going through Infertility feel this way at times and some really never get to experience that in life. That is so sad especially when we watch people who can't care for their children pop out children like it is going out of style.

Please continue to pray with Chris and I for our little blessing(s) in our future. I have prayed for my future child and I can't wait to meet my child one day.

Baseline appointment

Yesterday morning I had my baseline appointment so I can start my IVF cycle. It was a vaginal ultrasound while on my period. Not much fun. My doctor found another cyst. I just had one removed in February. He said it shouldn't interfere with your IVF cycle. So lets pray it doesn't. I started my birth control and antibiotics today. Chris also starts his antibiotics today as well. My medicine is ordered. We will start injections in August. If all goes planned we should have retrieval and transfer in September. Like I said in my previous post I am having some anxiety this round. I am really scared. I know that God is control and I know I shouldn't have any fears, but I am human. Please continue to pray for Chris and I. Here is a few photos to lighten the mood.

 

Haha...seriously how I feel sometimes.

yep!

And so it begins again.

IVF #2

Well...it seems  like it has been forever since fertility treatments. It has only been about 3 months. Today Aunt Flow came to visit..three days early. So I called my Fertility Clinic to start my long IVF protocol. Tomorrow I have a baseline appointment with my doctor. Then I will start birth control on Wednesday. I will also get my schedule of when I will start my injections and all that stuff tomorrow. I have actually been having a lot of anxiety this time. Last time I was super excited and very hopeful that I was going to be pregnant. This time after experiencing a failed IVF and I am really scared. I am nervous because I feel like I am running out of choices and anywhere to go. Chris and I said we would do 3 IVF rounds...so here I am trying to relax because I know not to be stressed though this process. So onto more massages and acupuncture sessions. Oh, and a few pedicures here and there. ;)
So, please keep Chris and I in your prayers. We just pray that if this is in God's plan it will happen. I will update as we get more information on our IVF round #2.

Facing your Giants

Today at church we had a guest speaker. His name was Abraham Wright-he is a former Colorado football player. He is spoke today about us facing our giants and how God fights some battles for us, but others we have to fight with God on our side. This message spoke to my heart in a big way today...and I think that Chris and I both needed to hear this message more than ever today. We are facing a giant in our lives currently and that giant is Infertility. It is easy for us to lose hope and feel down and feel like we will never be parents. We have gone through a lot in the last two years of infertility. In the last two years we have gone through month after month of no pregnancy. I have been through multiple test and some of which were very uncomfortable. I had a surgery that revealed that I have stage 4 endometriosis. I have been on fertility medicines and lots of injections. We have gone through one failed IVF. We have experienced a lot of pregnancy announcements and a lot of friends who have babies now. That is why sometimes we are discouraged. BUT, God is on our side. We are fighting a battle in our lives that sucks really bad, but our God has never left our side. God is telling us to look at Him through this difficult time and to not give up on his promise to us. I know that God wants us to be parents and we will be parents one day. I know that God has a plan and a promise to us..and I know that I will still be sad and angry some days. That is natural. But, I need to remember always that God is on our side! He will get us through this journey we are going through. So, if you are going through infertility remember it is not over yet! Don't give up! If you are facing other giants in your life remember God also has a plan for you and He is on your side as you go through whatever you are going through. Listen, I am not perfect and a fail my God daily, but one thing I know is that I have a forgiving God and a God who will always be my side. He will never leave Chris and I and that is an Awesome feeling. I really needed this today since I have been down a lot...maybe because we are at a standstill in our fertility treatments...but soon we will be moving onto IVF #2! I am so excited to start IVF again and see the outcome of Gods promises.

Here is a picture of our early morning service with Abraham Wright.