New beginnings

I know I haven't given my blog attention or have I been keeping up with the blogs I follow. I need to get back on with writing and following my awesome blogs I follow. A lot of things have been changing for me lately. Some I will continue to keep to myself for now and others I will just go ahead and talk about.
First, I am going back to teaching. After taking a year off I was offered a Kindergarten position. It was really hard for me to decide to leave the family I nanny for, but at this time going back to full time work is really the best for Chris and I for many reasons. I am really nervous, but excited. 

Second, lately I have been pretty up and down on how I feel. Sometimes I feel a lone in this  huge world of infertility. At times I feel like no one cares or remembers that I am still struggling. Why should they? It is not their journey. A lot of my support groups have gone on to pregnancy and having their children. They move on and enjoy their new blessings...as they should. Then there is some couples still fighting through this awful journey that so many don't realize the pain of.  One day this will end and we will enjoy our blessings too, but until then some days I will have good days and sometimes I will have bad days. I try to have more good days than bad days though! 

Today, I met my new nephew. That makes three nephews and four nieces for me! A friend sent me a private message and said, "You look great with a baby." This comment made me smile and truly made my day. I can't wait till I am holding my blessing that God chose especially for me and Chris. This wait and journey will be so worth it at that point. 

Sweet summertime

Hi, all! I know I haven't updated much, but right now there just isn't much to update on. I wish there was. I started af yesterday. I used oils his past cycle so a small part of me was really hoping they would help me get pregnant. LOL. I can tell you that one of the oils does really help with my cramps though.I just rub a drop or two on my abdomen and then I have a decrease of cramps. We have a little over 3 months till our adoption seminar and it is a two day class. The older I get the more times flies. It seemed so far away, but now it is coming up close. Last week was my due date of the little bean I miscarried. I did pretty well. Of course, I don't sit here and dwell on it, but sometimes I think about it. It made me a little sad to think I could be holding my baby instead of still sifting through infertility land...but we pick up the pieces and we move on. We become stronger and wait for God's timing and the little blessing(s) he has for us. One day we will look back and wonder how we made it through this journey through "hell" at times. At times, I do wonder how we make it. We just do. We pray, love each other, and become stronger in our faith. We deal with situations, judgement from others, and heartache constantly. Here we are though...still going strong and better than ever. You know why? Because, when you want something bad enough you keep fighting for it! No matter the judgement, people who talk about you, or what you have to do to get it. I am well aware of family who have judged our choices and paths we have taken to try to build a family, but until you walk in our shoes then you really have no idea. :)

What's going on in the Mace family?

Hello all! Again...I really don't have much to blog and update about. We recently received our home study paper work that we can slowly start working on. We have to submit it all together and there are parts we have to wait till our class. It is a lot of stuff to fill out and honestly it makes me overwhelmed, but it will all be ok.

Chris and I decided to buy a boat! We have been wanting one for a little over a year, but we kept saying we might be pregnant..blah blah. So we finally just jumped on it! Yes, we know we could possibly get pregnant or get matched quickly, but the bigger picture here is that we are not letting infertility control us. We took the boat out Friday. It is a learning curve, but we had a lot of fun. I see lots of fun weekends ahead of this summer! 

That is about all going on in the Mace family. :) 

Overcoming fear

I feel like I am at a standstill with everything and don't have much to blog about. Today I read a friends blog about fear and it had me really thinking. Honestly, she is a lot better at blogging, writing, and standing in her faith than I am. I feel that sometimes I don't always lean on my faith in difficult times and really that comes from fear. Fear has really taken over my life. In the 3 years of fighting through infertility I have let fear take over...sadly. I have fears of never having children, never getting pregnant(I would be lying if I didn't tell you that I have this desire still), adoption fears, failed adoption, and the list really could go on. I don't think I am a bad person for having fear because really it is human nature, but as a Christian I know that God is my strength and I need to not have these fears. In a book I am currently reading it calls fear like cancer. Fear will eat away our faith! It is true it really does. When I have fear I start questioning and worrying about everything that is out of my control. We need to recognize the fear and let them go. I am trying my best to let go of the fears. I am not perfect and never will be so I know fear will creep in my life. My goal is to refocus the fears and lean on my faith more. I need to stop looking at all the wrong that "could" go wrong and believe! Believe that one day I will be rocking my sweet God chosen baby to sleep. Really that picture makes me a lot happier than the fears I have. The past few days I have some rough moments. Moments of sadness...especially with Mother's Day. Moments of sadness because my due date is coming up. Moments where I really wonder if God's plan is for me to be a parent. I have to let this all go. I have to trust God's words and promises to me. I will overcome this...I will be a mom soon. I will overcome these fears because God is my refuge and strength. God loves his people and he loves me. What a wonderful God we have. A loving God who will pull us through any situation in life. Everything in life isn't easy...we all have situations in life that tear us down, but God never leaves us! Isn't that awesome that God will never leave our sides even when we fail him daily!! What an awesome God we serve.

Application accepted

Our application was accepted to the agency we applied to. We have an invitation to attend the class, but it is not till October. The June class is already full. 


I wanted to share this youtube video for all that struggle with infertility, miscarriage, infant loss, still born, etc. You are loved and remember you have so much support behind you! I have an angel baby..I only was pregnant a short time, but that loss still hurts as my due date is quickly approaching. 

A compliment goes a long way!

We meet with our doctor tomorrow to discuss our failed IVF cycle tomorrow. I really have no idea what he is going to tell us. We submitted our first part of our adoption application last week. Now, we are waiting to hear if that agency accepts our application so we can move onto the class and home study paper work. 

I was talking to a girl I met through one of my sites I am on. She also has Endometriosis. She read my blog and then sent me a private message. She told me that she admired my strength to share my blog publicly and that I have a gift of writing. This really touched my heart because about 6 months ago I had a family member put me down for blogging and sharing about my journey. When I started blogging it was to express myself and to hopefully help someone through their journey. Even if it is only one person. She will never know how much those words meant to me!  

I would die for that..

 

It has been 5 days sense we got our results from our past cycle. We get stronger with each day. We have an appointment with our doctor May 6 to discuss our failed cycle and I think it will help even more with the closure process. I have done lots of thinking and praying for our future. Some things I will share and some of it I will just keep to myself for now. Tomorrow we meet with an adoption agency we are really interested in. I really hope we are happy with this place and it is a good experience. I have started filling out paper work. I have started looking a cribs and furniture that we both like for the nursery. I am still a little nervous about the unknowns of the adoption process, but as we move through it I know things will get easier. I used this song because I am 1 in 8. You probably know others who struggle. It is a hard struggle and each couple needs your support, love, and encouragement.