Adoption

We submitted our home study paper work on Friday. The adoption class is on October 10th. It will be about 8 weeks before our background checks come back. We are doing pictures later in the month of September. They will set up our interviews soon for our home study.

Letting it all out...

I am going to be real honest that this post is hard to write. Ever since my third failed IVF I have struggled big time with my faith and many other things. I have felt so lonely and that God has forgotten about me. I have sat here and at times can't muster a prayer to talk to God. I feel guilty for my actions. I just can't get over it all and I just keep wondering why? What in the world did I do to deserve this? I am not writing this to be criticized for the way I feel or falling to my knees in my faith. I am writing this post to show my weakness and sadness...to show you that sometimes it takes a long time to heal. The other night on our walk I just cried to my husband about how I felt about his whole journey and just a feeling that God has forgotten about me and not listening to my crying and tears for three years. At times it really does feel this way. I know that God loves us and this is not the case at all...and I am trying to pull myself from this thought process and move on with positive thoughts. Forgive me for letting all my feelings out like this because I know this makes me very vulnerable to harsh comments. I just had to write how I have been feeling lately and give you the truth on how I have felt. One day at a time..it will get better. One day when I am holding my child a lot of the bad will be erased, but till then I will have times where I won't know how much longer I can make it through infertility. It is a hard road people..and frankly I am tired of being on this painful journey. 
I also just want to have you all pray for two sweet friends I have been through infertility who have both had a miscarriage recently. It makes me so sad for them. It is so unfair. Such a cruel journey..
We have two months till our adoption class. Then maybe things will start moving a long and I will start feeling better with things moving forward. 

God's Not Dead

My mom and I watched this movie today. Excellent movie if you haven't seen it. To me it was great reminder that even when bad happens that God is still here. I know for me that during my battle through infertility I have been angry and upset about my situation and will blame God. God isn't doing this to me and my husband though. Bad things happen to all of us, but God is here to comfort us and lean on him as we fight through our situations. Even when I fall and fail God he is still here to pick me up and love me anyway.