I am still waiting for the miscarriage to happen.. that is the worst part just waiting. I am finding it very hard to move on when it hasn't happened yet. I stopped my meds on Friday so it should be happening soon. If you are wondering how I am doing...well, the best that I can. I am sad and angry, but you probably expect that. I am weak right now..weak because I have no strength to even give a fake smile right now. Sometimes I think I fool a lot of people around me because I have so many people that say I am strong. I am not strong and have cried so many times. Sometimes I just sit here and ask what in the heck just happened and why? Sometimes I am so angry that I start asking God why he is not helping us? Then I start reminding myself that God has plan to prosper you and not hurt you. Then I get angry at myself for questioning my God and being angry.
I am sad because my friends and family are afraid to tell me about pregnancies. That makes me sad. It should be an exciting time, but instead they are worried they will hurt me. I have friends who tell me I don't have to come to their baby shower. I appreciate all my friends and family who are worried about me, but the thing I have realized is that if I run everyone off because of Chris and my craptastic situation we are in then I wouldn't have any friends or support.
I am confused and sad, but day by day things will get better. In December we will have more answers and actions so we can move further. Until then we heal and move on with our journey. A journey I never thought I would be on...A journey I hope to never watch someone else go through.
I am so sorry. Nothing prepares you for a miscarriage. My loss was in May. It's hard to go through but I can promise you tit does get easier. You won't even stop missing your baby you lost. I think of Hope daily. I had a feeling that something was up because you hadn't posted in a while.
ReplyDeleteI wish I could you something to make you feel better and to make the pain you are experiencing go away. My husband and I waited 3 months before we started trying again.
I can tell you I'm still not healed and I've changed. Your first pregnancy well your first baby will never leave you.
I'm so sorry for your loss. <3
Jessica, Thank you. Yes, agree nothing prepares you for this. Thank you for the encouraging words. I hope you are doing a little better. I hope your journey is successful soon.
DeleteThank you very much! I hope your journey also is successful and you will be able to hold a little one in your arms next year <3
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