Yesterday we had an appointment with Dr.K. The placenta report came back fine so it was only the cord accident. It makes me glad nothing else was wrong, but sad for our Blakely. I hate that is happened because she should still be growing and getting bigger. He told us that he is obviously worried about our emotional well being as we went through a traumatic loss and we can never replace Blakely. So I don't know what our future holds, but one thing for sure is she will be forever missed! We are starting grief counseling so hopefully it helps with some of the grieving process.
If you are wondering how I am doing. I am ok. I still cry every day. Especially when I am alone. I cry every time I go to the cemetery. When I am alone that is when I talk to Blakely the most and pray to God. I have to pray and cry out to God because what we are going through is one of the most awful things I have ever gone through. Losing a child is hard. All my dreams and plans I had for Blakely will not happen.
I still have a few weeks before I am released to workout, but I am walking a 5k with a friend this month. The Remember the 10 run in Stillwater.
Yesterday we designed Blakely's headstone. We should get a proof in about a week. I can't wait to see it. I know it will be beautiful just like her. I am trying to find way to honor Blakely's name. Maybe raising money for stillborn research or cooling cots? I am still thinking on this.
Again, please let me know if you see butterflies. They remind us of Blakely. Please say her name. You can bring her up. We love her and miss her. Just because she is in heaven doesn't mean we can't talk about her. She will always be that missing piece in our hearts and have a special place in our lives.
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