Don't judge my emotions today

Please do not judge me as I write how I truly feel today.Sometimes I do very well around news of people being pregnant, but today was not one of those days. I am happy for anyone expecting, but deep inside my heart aches. I would never wish infertility on anyone. It's seriously the hardest thing I have gone through to date. It took all I had not to start crying today. It is an empty feeling that I have no control over. I wonder why do Chris and I have to go through this? I try to remind myself when I am feeling down that God has a plan for us. Then some days my emotions just take over. What sucks the most is the lack of support from family and friends. You know the people that should be there for you? It seems like they are so scared of that infertility word. They don't know what to say, but really we just need a listening ear and someone to hug us. Now listen, before I went through infertility I did not understand either..but now I do. I guess you will never know the pain in our hearts unless you go through this. Sometimes I think that everyday will get easier, but really it gets more difficult. I can tell you this, I am so thankful for a loving, caring, and supportive husband. Chris is by my side each step of the way. I am thankful for my mother in-law who raised this sweet husband of mine. I am thankful for my best friend, Jennifer S. who even with a newborn baby still calls me and checks on me. She listens to me cry and supports me as Chris and I go through this. I am thankful for a church home where I have some close friends that know what we are going through because they have also gone through infertility. I am thankful for my awesome, smart, caring RE and his nurse. I truly believe that God uses the hands of my doctor to help Chris and I. I am thankful for my class where I teach because those cute little 21 kids keep my mind off of this journey while I teach. I am thankful for a relationship with God that keeps growing stronger..and a God who loves me no matter my flaws. What an AWESOME God I serve! I do have many things to be thankful for! One day I know that God will bless us with a sweet child. We will try to patiently wait for that blessing. As I finish my blog today with tears in my eyes I can tell you that I have such a blessed life even though I have pain in my heart. I know that pain won't stay forever. I am trying to take each procedure, test, injection, medication, etc. one step at a time. It can be a very overwhelming process