A new day

After a very long night of crying I am slowly getting better. I am not ok..yet. I am still sad, angry, and confused. I know most people won't understand this, but I feel like I am grieving a death..seriously. It is like I can't wake up from a bad dream. We go see our doctor in two weeks. Yesterday I was mad that we have to wait 2 weeks, but then after thinking logically I thought that was best. I guess I would rather have time to grieve and then go in with a fresh head and be able to move on.

I never imagined having a child would be this hard and I never imagined wanting a child as bad as Chris and I want one. It is such an empty feeling. My fear is that I will never experience pregnancy. That is a terrible fear.

I know without a doubt that my God is here with me and giving me strength to pick up all the little pieces of my heart that broke yesterday. My God loves me and I know he has a wonderful plan. I don't understand it right now and I am still angry, but I believe God will heal my heart soon.

I am so very thankful for my husband who has been such a great support person. He is strong and I know his heart hurts terrible. He was pretty down yesterday.

So today I am one step closer to whatever God's plan is. I sure hope that plan is that I will have a sweet baby soon. I am heartbroken..very heartbroken. BUT, it will get better.

I decided to skip a school baby shower tomorrow. It is best for me. I have been strong enough to attend all the baby shower's I've been invited to, but I thought very hard and it is best if I skip the one tomorrow. I have to take care of myself too. I did pitch in money for a gift. I am giving a shower in two weeks and I pray that my strength is back by then. If not I guess it will be a tearful day afterwards.

Thank you for all the prayers and continued support! I hope soon Chris and I can give fantastic news. For now just know we appreciate all of our family and friends support.