A little this and little that

Hello all! Well, we got back from vacation on Thursday. The day we left for vacation I started my period. Seriously. Ugh! I was 5 days late..and I knew the hag would show her face. Now I have to wait for my next period and then I will be put on birth control on day 3 of my period. Then I will start injections for my next cycle of IVF. (Cycle #2) I will be on a bigger dose this time. Crossing our fingers and praying hard! Since I have another month I am going to start running again until I have to stop again. I've gained a crap load of weight during all this infertility treatments and stress. I am really unhappy with my body. BUT, I will take the fat with the infertility treatments if one day I get to hold a sweet baby.

Anywho! I just wanted to share a few pictures from our vacation since I really don't have any treatment updates at this time.

 

Me at the battleship

My handsome husband at the battleship

 

Getting ready to head out on the town of Panama City,Fl

Hubby at the ocean

Mace Family- Paula, Briana, Me, Chris, and Grandma Mace

Another Father's Day..

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33


I read this today and wanted to share. Read if you would like!
http://biblicalcounselingcoalition.org/blogs/2012/02/20/5-things-infertile-couples-want-others-to-know/

I think this relates to what I was saying in a recent blog post. Sometimes
we feel so left out. Today is Father's Day....a day that I know my husband wishes he could be part of. Today we left church and he felt so left out. Listen we love to celebrate our dads and wish everyone a lovely Father's Day, but it doesn't take the pain away from what we are dealing with. For the past two years we have said we will have a baby by next Father's Day or Christmas. Well....now we have stopped doing that. It cause us to hurt too much. As we are moving onto our next cycle we are trying to stay positive, but sometimes that pain of all the disappointment we have had takes a toll. All I want is to be able to give my husband a child. Is that too much to ask for? Apparently it is. It hurts so much when there is nothing wrong with him and it is all me. That just sucks. Being positive through all this makes situations better. We have our bad days and pick up the pieces the next day and move on.

Unless you have or are going through infertility you will never understand the pain we go through month after month. You will never know what it is like to have test after test, surgeries, being poked and prodded like an animal, taking medicine that changes your personality or going through In-vitro Fertilization(IVF). You will never understand why infertile women get upset when they see pregnant women or infants.


I am still waiting for my period. I am one day late. I know I am about to start. I have cramps and headaches. I wish the old hag would just show up  and go away because I want to be able to enjoy vacation without the old hag present. When you don't want her to show up she does and then when you want her to just come already she is late. Of course!!

Doctor appointment

Today Chris and I had our appointment-Post IVF fail appt.

This is what he told us: My estrogen levels are lower than he would like them for my age. So the next IVF cycle we will increase meds. We will be able to start our next cycle mid July. He also said he highly recommends us to do another cycle...which of course we are. He said our success is the same which is 60 percent for this next cycle. Hopefully this will get us our BFP!

Longing for a baby

Today I spent the day with my nieces at the zoo. As I was  holding my one year old niece I had such an empty feeling. I have that missing piece in my life that I want complete so bad. That missing piece is a child for Chris and me. I know that parenting is not easy..I know that it will be one of the hardest jobs I have, but it is also so rewarding. It is hard when everywhere you go there are families. Even church can be a left out experience sometimes. I try to be positive, but then some days I wonder if this will ever end?! I pray on a daily basis that God will heal my heart and give me peace....and I believe I have came a long way in my healing process and dealing with infertility. BUT, I am human and I still fall down and cry sometimes. That's ok! I have to realize that is ok and a part of the healing process. Geez, two years ago I wouldn't have believed you if you told me I was going to have infertility issues. Sometimes I wonder "Why me, God?" Then as one of my sisterhood (infertility friends) said these battles are given to the strongest people. I have become one heck of a strong woman in the past two years. My husband and I grew stronger in these two years and I never knew how much a man could love you with all this "hell" going on. We support each other more now than ever before. God knew what he was doing when I randomly met Chris 9 years ago. Yes, 9 years ago! Wow! :)

My sweet Grandmother Young and I talked on the phone today. She asked how I was doing...and then I got tears in my eyes. I love that woman so much because I know in all my heart that she cares and prays for Chris and me every single day! What a wonderful blessing she is and I am thankful God let her be my grandma.


So here we are moving on with our journey and refuse to give up. God has a wonderful plan for us and I am excited for our future child(ren).

We see Dr. Reshef in 6 days! I am so ready for that appointment! I have my acupuncture appointment in 2 days! I wonder what I will be told at that appointment? I will let you know.

For all of you that continue to pray for us thank you so much! :)

Thankful

Sometimes when going through this much heartbreak we tend to forget about all that we do have. First, I am so thankful that God put Chris in my life at such a young age. He has helped me become who I am today. I also think some of the journeys I have been on have made me who I am. I am a different person than I was before I started this infertility journey. I am thankful for having a beautiful home and being in the place that Chris and I are in our lives. We have supportive relatives and friends in our lives.

Saturday I threw a baby shower and surprisingly I did well. I thought I was going to be sad afterwards, but thankfully I was fine! I am going to post a few pictures from the shower. The shower turned out really cute. :)

My friend Emily-she is having a boy!

The table decorations with the help from Kristen

The food table

 

The cute Bee oreo pops!

 

 

 

 

After the shower I went to see my best friend, Jennifer and her daughter.