Treatments to adoption-what does it look like?

Here lately, I have been blogging less. I have at times felt like I do not have a lot to share or no one will relate. It is the awkward time where I stand between the fertility treatment and adoption world. It is weird and different. So, I thought I am going to share how this time is feeling for me. 
First, the sadness of not experiencing pregnancy is still very real and sad. I am not sure if this sadness will ever go away till I am in my grave. I have met so many wonderful ladies in the infertility world that I love dearly. Recently it has been hard to relate to a lot of them because I feel so alone in this part of my journey. Most of the girls I was the closest to have either had babies or currently pregnant. I am so happy for them, but such a lonely feeling for me. Every day I am more and more ok with the thought that I may never have a genetic baby. I know that God has a perfect little baby out there for us. I can't wait till that day! 
Now, we are on the adoption side which I can say is not an easy process either! You feel so judged by their questions because they dig for any negative they can get to...at least that is how it feels. I can honestly say though after beginning the journey to adoption this is the happiest I have been in a very long time. I finally feel like we have a light at the end of the tunnel. Our infertility and treatments were some very difficult times that most will never fully understand. The sadness, depression, feel helpless, and no control over anything really sucked! With adoption it is hard, but I feel like we are moving forward at least. Now we just wait...and wait..and wait some more till the perfect gift is given to our family. 
I have heard so many times just adopt after failed treatments. First, please don't say that to someone struggling to conceive. Can you imagine the feeling this couple has at not being able to have a baby? It is awful. Also, adoption is not easy and it is expensive. Adoption is a wonderful thing, but it is not for everyone. Adoption is for us though and we are so happy to be on this journey to our sweet baby. We have been preparing our nursery and having fun doing it. 
I thought the comments I got during my fertility treatments were bad...well I have heard some pretty pathetic comments towards adoption too. Here are a few.. Oh, when you adopt you will get pregnant! Wow, really? It isn't that easy people! I have been told that I am "lucky" that I don't have to experience pregnancy and delivery. I don't know how anyone would think I was lucky..I think that makes me pretty unlucky actually. Could you imagine not having the children you have or never having a baby? No matter how awful your pregnancy or delivery was. Aren't you scared the birth-mom will steal your baby? No, I am not. Open adoptions are great for all involved. Those mama's need our love and prayers so much. I pray for a love so fierce for my child's birth mom because that means so much to Chris and I. After attending our seminar I learned so much and took in so much. I cried and cried. You know, these women are giving the life of their baby to us and trusting us to parent. These women deserve to be loved and prayed for. They deserve to see pictures of their babies. They deserve to be respected. They do not deserve to be put down and told they made that choice. They made a decision that they felt/feel is best for their child. That takes a strong woman! 

Home-study

We had our home-study visit Thursday. It went great. We will receive a letter in about 3-4 weeks.  Then at that time we can be on the list for birth mom's to look at our profile. We are excited to see God's beautiful blessings come through. So excited for our journey to be parents.

Home study process

Sorry for the lack of blogging. Teaching again really drains me. I have no energy. Haha. Anyway, so here is an update. Chris and I both have done our interviews, test, etc. and now we have our final home study/couple interview tomorrow. I am taking a personal day so I will have the whole day off tomorrow! Yay! After this we will be on the list for birth moms to look at our profile! Yay! Please pray that God has a great woman out there ready to choose us! :) We are limited on what we can share with this process, but I promise soon we will be able to share lots of pictures etc. Just pray this is a fast and smooth process. I know God has a wonderful plan for our lives and a child perfect for us!

Photo book

 I wanted to share our photo book. Let me know if you have trouble viewing it. Let me know what you think about it! Thanks!


http://www.mixbook.com/photo-books/all/lisa-and-chris-10926003?vk=2XNgn5GjAC

Sneak Peek Pictures

I hope you enjoy looking at a few photos from our photo shoot! We can't wait till we get them all! Jennifer Klotz photography did an amazing job! So happy with our photos and so glad she captured such an important part of this journey to adoption!

Adoption pictures

My sweet friend Emily made Chris and I a banner that says We're Adopting! My other sweet friend Julianne made the Growing in our Hearts board. I made the other one. I am so excited for our pictures!

Home study update

Yesterday I went to my doctor appointment. It went well and I really really really liked the doctor that Chris and I both saw. He shared his infertility and adoption story with me. It was nice having someone know the real pain of infertility and failed cycles. He said I know you've been through a lot and I hope your adoption journey is amazing as my wife's and mine. 
We also have set up our individual interviews for next month. October will be a busy month for us! :) 
I also have a sweet friend who was picked by a birth mom! I am so excited for her! She is a friend I met through this journey of infertility...and I am so blessed by her friendship and I can't wait to go to her baby shower!!

Great Are You Lord!

Love love this song! Sang Great Are you Lord at church today and it really touched my heart today! I had to share! No matter the struggle in life God is always by our side...even in the times where we try to push him away because we are angry.

Adoption

We submitted our home study paper work on Friday. The adoption class is on October 10th. It will be about 8 weeks before our background checks come back. We are doing pictures later in the month of September. They will set up our interviews soon for our home study.

Letting it all out...

I am going to be real honest that this post is hard to write. Ever since my third failed IVF I have struggled big time with my faith and many other things. I have felt so lonely and that God has forgotten about me. I have sat here and at times can't muster a prayer to talk to God. I feel guilty for my actions. I just can't get over it all and I just keep wondering why? What in the world did I do to deserve this? I am not writing this to be criticized for the way I feel or falling to my knees in my faith. I am writing this post to show my weakness and sadness...to show you that sometimes it takes a long time to heal. The other night on our walk I just cried to my husband about how I felt about his whole journey and just a feeling that God has forgotten about me and not listening to my crying and tears for three years. At times it really does feel this way. I know that God loves us and this is not the case at all...and I am trying to pull myself from this thought process and move on with positive thoughts. Forgive me for letting all my feelings out like this because I know this makes me very vulnerable to harsh comments. I just had to write how I have been feeling lately and give you the truth on how I have felt. One day at a time..it will get better. One day when I am holding my child a lot of the bad will be erased, but till then I will have times where I won't know how much longer I can make it through infertility. It is a hard road people..and frankly I am tired of being on this painful journey. 
I also just want to have you all pray for two sweet friends I have been through infertility who have both had a miscarriage recently. It makes me so sad for them. It is so unfair. Such a cruel journey..
We have two months till our adoption class. Then maybe things will start moving a long and I will start feeling better with things moving forward. 

God's Not Dead

My mom and I watched this movie today. Excellent movie if you haven't seen it. To me it was great reminder that even when bad happens that God is still here. I know for me that during my battle through infertility I have been angry and upset about my situation and will blame God. God isn't doing this to me and my husband though. Bad things happen to all of us, but God is here to comfort us and lean on him as we fight through our situations. Even when I fall and fail God he is still here to pick me up and love me anyway. 

New beginnings

I know I haven't given my blog attention or have I been keeping up with the blogs I follow. I need to get back on with writing and following my awesome blogs I follow. A lot of things have been changing for me lately. Some I will continue to keep to myself for now and others I will just go ahead and talk about.
First, I am going back to teaching. After taking a year off I was offered a Kindergarten position. It was really hard for me to decide to leave the family I nanny for, but at this time going back to full time work is really the best for Chris and I for many reasons. I am really nervous, but excited. 

Second, lately I have been pretty up and down on how I feel. Sometimes I feel a lone in this  huge world of infertility. At times I feel like no one cares or remembers that I am still struggling. Why should they? It is not their journey. A lot of my support groups have gone on to pregnancy and having their children. They move on and enjoy their new blessings...as they should. Then there is some couples still fighting through this awful journey that so many don't realize the pain of.  One day this will end and we will enjoy our blessings too, but until then some days I will have good days and sometimes I will have bad days. I try to have more good days than bad days though! 

Today, I met my new nephew. That makes three nephews and four nieces for me! A friend sent me a private message and said, "You look great with a baby." This comment made me smile and truly made my day. I can't wait till I am holding my blessing that God chose especially for me and Chris. This wait and journey will be so worth it at that point. 

Sweet summertime

Hi, all! I know I haven't updated much, but right now there just isn't much to update on. I wish there was. I started af yesterday. I used oils his past cycle so a small part of me was really hoping they would help me get pregnant. LOL. I can tell you that one of the oils does really help with my cramps though.I just rub a drop or two on my abdomen and then I have a decrease of cramps. We have a little over 3 months till our adoption seminar and it is a two day class. The older I get the more times flies. It seemed so far away, but now it is coming up close. Last week was my due date of the little bean I miscarried. I did pretty well. Of course, I don't sit here and dwell on it, but sometimes I think about it. It made me a little sad to think I could be holding my baby instead of still sifting through infertility land...but we pick up the pieces and we move on. We become stronger and wait for God's timing and the little blessing(s) he has for us. One day we will look back and wonder how we made it through this journey through "hell" at times. At times, I do wonder how we make it. We just do. We pray, love each other, and become stronger in our faith. We deal with situations, judgement from others, and heartache constantly. Here we are though...still going strong and better than ever. You know why? Because, when you want something bad enough you keep fighting for it! No matter the judgement, people who talk about you, or what you have to do to get it. I am well aware of family who have judged our choices and paths we have taken to try to build a family, but until you walk in our shoes then you really have no idea. :)

What's going on in the Mace family?

Hello all! Again...I really don't have much to blog and update about. We recently received our home study paper work that we can slowly start working on. We have to submit it all together and there are parts we have to wait till our class. It is a lot of stuff to fill out and honestly it makes me overwhelmed, but it will all be ok.

Chris and I decided to buy a boat! We have been wanting one for a little over a year, but we kept saying we might be pregnant..blah blah. So we finally just jumped on it! Yes, we know we could possibly get pregnant or get matched quickly, but the bigger picture here is that we are not letting infertility control us. We took the boat out Friday. It is a learning curve, but we had a lot of fun. I see lots of fun weekends ahead of this summer! 

That is about all going on in the Mace family. :) 

Overcoming fear

I feel like I am at a standstill with everything and don't have much to blog about. Today I read a friends blog about fear and it had me really thinking. Honestly, she is a lot better at blogging, writing, and standing in her faith than I am. I feel that sometimes I don't always lean on my faith in difficult times and really that comes from fear. Fear has really taken over my life. In the 3 years of fighting through infertility I have let fear take over...sadly. I have fears of never having children, never getting pregnant(I would be lying if I didn't tell you that I have this desire still), adoption fears, failed adoption, and the list really could go on. I don't think I am a bad person for having fear because really it is human nature, but as a Christian I know that God is my strength and I need to not have these fears. In a book I am currently reading it calls fear like cancer. Fear will eat away our faith! It is true it really does. When I have fear I start questioning and worrying about everything that is out of my control. We need to recognize the fear and let them go. I am trying my best to let go of the fears. I am not perfect and never will be so I know fear will creep in my life. My goal is to refocus the fears and lean on my faith more. I need to stop looking at all the wrong that "could" go wrong and believe! Believe that one day I will be rocking my sweet God chosen baby to sleep. Really that picture makes me a lot happier than the fears I have. The past few days I have some rough moments. Moments of sadness...especially with Mother's Day. Moments of sadness because my due date is coming up. Moments where I really wonder if God's plan is for me to be a parent. I have to let this all go. I have to trust God's words and promises to me. I will overcome this...I will be a mom soon. I will overcome these fears because God is my refuge and strength. God loves his people and he loves me. What a wonderful God we have. A loving God who will pull us through any situation in life. Everything in life isn't easy...we all have situations in life that tear us down, but God never leaves us! Isn't that awesome that God will never leave our sides even when we fail him daily!! What an awesome God we serve.

Application accepted

Our application was accepted to the agency we applied to. We have an invitation to attend the class, but it is not till October. The June class is already full. 


I wanted to share this youtube video for all that struggle with infertility, miscarriage, infant loss, still born, etc. You are loved and remember you have so much support behind you! I have an angel baby..I only was pregnant a short time, but that loss still hurts as my due date is quickly approaching. 

A compliment goes a long way!

We meet with our doctor tomorrow to discuss our failed IVF cycle tomorrow. I really have no idea what he is going to tell us. We submitted our first part of our adoption application last week. Now, we are waiting to hear if that agency accepts our application so we can move onto the class and home study paper work. 

I was talking to a girl I met through one of my sites I am on. She also has Endometriosis. She read my blog and then sent me a private message. She told me that she admired my strength to share my blog publicly and that I have a gift of writing. This really touched my heart because about 6 months ago I had a family member put me down for blogging and sharing about my journey. When I started blogging it was to express myself and to hopefully help someone through their journey. Even if it is only one person. She will never know how much those words meant to me!  

I would die for that..

 

It has been 5 days sense we got our results from our past cycle. We get stronger with each day. We have an appointment with our doctor May 6 to discuss our failed cycle and I think it will help even more with the closure process. I have done lots of thinking and praying for our future. Some things I will share and some of it I will just keep to myself for now. Tomorrow we meet with an adoption agency we are really interested in. I really hope we are happy with this place and it is a good experience. I have started filling out paper work. I have started looking a cribs and furniture that we both like for the nursery. I am still a little nervous about the unknowns of the adoption process, but as we move through it I know things will get easier. I used this song because I am 1 in 8. You probably know others who struggle. It is a hard struggle and each couple needs your support, love, and encouragement.

We are 1 in 8

We are 1 in 8. http://www.resolve.org/about/fast-facts-about-fertility.html

IVF cycle number 3= BFN

First, I apologize for not updating sooner. I didn't have the right words and was an emotional mess to post. Our third cycle failed. We found out Thursday. The call from the nurse was like a kick in the stomach! I sat there and cried, yelled, and questioned God. I felt forgotten from my God... but then I was reminded "For the sake of his great name the Lord will not reject his people, because the Lord was pleased to make you his own." 1 Samuel 12:22
My heart was breaking and it felt like my heart was shattered in a million pieces laying on the floor in my living room. I sat there thinking I am only 27...only 27. What in the world? How can this be happening? Is this a dream? You mean to tell me I may never experience pregnancy, the birth process, breast feeding? I will never get to look at my baby and see my nose, mouth, eyes, etc? Why? Is it ok for me to feel sad and angry? "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18  
Sometimes we get to a point where infertility treatments become too much and too painful for us to continue. We all have a point we have to stop...it is not giving up. It is a point where you know that the bigger picture is to be happy and get back to your happy self. The past few years and especially the past year has been filled with sadness and frankly little hope. I am tired of feeling this way and I am tired of not being happy. Chris and I deserve to be happy. I have had 2 surgeries and 3 IVF cycles in the past year. 2 failed cycles and 1 ended in an early miscarriage. If that does not show you the ups and downs we have experienced in the past year then I don't know what will. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your path straight. Proverbs 3: 5-6  We have decided that for now it is time to stop fertility treatments and stop actively trying to conceive. We are not saying that we will never do treatments again because we may. We meet with our doctor May 6 so we will hopefully have some new answers and I can assure you he will have a new plan because something is not right! But, for now we are not finding happiness with this journey and it is time for something new in our lives. We are going to start the adoption process. We meet with an agency next week. "God sets the lonely in families." Psalm 68:6 Sometimes you get to a point in life and what is most important to you! Chris and I have decided that we have a strong desire for children no matter what. It is more important then experiencing pregnancy. At the end of  the day we BOTH deserve to be happy and content and this adoption is what is moving in our hearts. We believe God has a great plan for us..we are not saying we will never conceive on your own or through a future treatment..but what we do know is that adoption is a miracle all in its own. We are excited for this new journey and really hope we continue to have the support of our family, friends, and blogger friends. We need your prayers, love, and support through this new journey. It will be hard. We know this is the best for us and that is all that matters. "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28 
We will continue to blog about our journey and share our experiences.  We just need a break from treatments for a while and find some happiness! 

6dp5dt

I am 6 days past a 5 day transfer today. Each cycle I always seem to get these lovely migraines around this time! Awful! I was in bed part of Friday, all of Saturday, off and on headache yesterday, and felt like crap all day at work. I really dislike migraines....especially when I can't take anything for them. I am praying tomorrow I feel better! I am hanging on here and trying to stay patient and calm during this tww. I am trusting in God's plan. I have had a few melt downs today, but trying to pull myself back to my happy place. 

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. Jeremiah 17:7 

Day 5, Transfer day

Yesterday was my transfer. It went well! I had to embryos transferred back. Today we go the call that none of our other embryos were able to be frozen. I am kind of sad about this. None of our cycles have had any to freeze. Frustrating. We are just choosing and staying positive for the ones transferred back yesterday. Thank you for all the prayers from our family and friends. Today we have a friend in the neighborhood bringing us dinner! My mom is staying with me too to help me around the house etc. I am very thankful.

Day 3 and Transfer date

Here is our day 3 embie report:
We had 1 die(No more development was seen)
We have 13 that are 8-10 cells(Where they should be today)
We have 2 (That are a little less than 8 cell)

We have transfer on Tuesday! We will learn the grade and how many made it to day 5 and if we have any to freeze. 

Day 2 Embie report

Here is my Day 2 Embie report: Remember yesterday we had 9 fertilized growing and developing today. Well, when the embryologist called today the 7 the didn't look fertilized did indeed fertilize! So that gives a total of 16 embies right now! Obviously, they will not all make it to day 5, but we are praying for 2 great quality embryos to transfer and a few to freeze. My past two cycles I have never had any make it to freeze so I really hope we do! Today they needed to be between 2-4 cells and all 16 were! Tomorrow they should be 8-10 cell. We will wait for that call tomorrow! Transfer will be on Tuesday! I haven't gotten a time yet, but I will tomorrow when she calls!


 Here is my outfit I wore for my retrieval. I will wear this shirt for my transfer too! I made the shirt a while back ago! Of course, you need lucky socks too!

 

Here is a picture from retrieval. The left photo is before and sporting my shirt. The right photo is after retrieval.

Day 1 report

Day 1 report:
17 out of the 19 were mature.
9 fertilized
1 was abnormal
7 did not fertilize.
So we have 9 Embies growing and developing. We will get another update tomorrow with how they are doing! Grow embies grow! Praying these 9 are strong embryos.

I am still a little sore from retrieval, but will be resting all weekend. 

Retrieval day....How many eggies?!?!?!

Today was my retrieval. I woke up with a little headache and a feeling like I was going to throw up. The ride to the hospital was awful. I finally was given the IV and then taken to the room for my retrieval. My anesthesiologist was awesome and had me out quick! I woke up feeling so much better. I really think it was my nerves! Of course, they took real good care of me at Bennett Fertility. I had 19 Eggs retrieved! More than we thought! Now we wait for the call tomorrow with our update! I am just resting and taking it easy today. I am a little tender, but feeling good.

Trigger shot and Retrieval date

The past four days I have had an appointment with my doctor since I was so close with my follicle sizes. That means a vaginal u/s and blood work every day. In 8 days and I had 6 appts out of 8 days! That is crazy! Haha. I am so glad my doctor takes that time to monitor me closely though! Yesterday I had an appt before I went to work so I went at 7:45. My doctor had a student that day and she can in the room during my u/s. He told her I was probably the sweetest person he met. Aww! How sweet! Then he just told her that it has been hard getting me pregnant and then told her I have endo. I also was able to see a couple of my favorite nurses...shh don't tell anyone I have favorites! :)
This cycle my E2 numbers have been great, my lining is great, and overall a smoother process. I will know on Thursday how many eggs I have. 
My trigger shot is tonight! Then I have retrieval on Thursday! I just can't believe we are already at this point. Crazy! 
I will update after my retrieval! 

Follicle scan update

My E2 levels went from 392 to 878! 
My lining is at 11.6mm! 
I go back for another appt tomorrow. 

I was comparing notes from my past cycles and my numbers are looking a lot better!

Grow Follies Grow!

My E2 levels(Estrogen levles) went from 109 to 392. My lining is at 6.2 mm and needs to be at least an 8. 

My right ovary:
14.4, 12.1, 12.0, 10.5, 9.6, 9.1, 7.1

My left ovary( is behind my uterus-Thanks to Endo) 
10.9,  7.9, 7.2, 7.0

I have another appt on Saturday. 

Follicle scan #!

Here is a small update of how our cycle is going so far: 
My doctor was doing a retrieval so my nurse did my u/s and she had issues getting to my left ovary since it is in an awkward area (Thanks to my endo)...anyway so I am not sure how many follicles I actually have. I have an appt on Thursday so I will know then. What I can see her counting I think I have about 12. My E2 levels came back at 109. I forgot to look at my lining. I stop Follistim and I will increase Menopur and keep doing Lupron. I will update again on Thursday. 

Suppression check number 2

Yesterday I had my suppression check and everything was great. My u/s was great and showed NO large cyst! Yay!! Then I had my blood-work and it came back normal. I was super excited since my last cycle I had issues suppressing. I start stims tomorrow! I have an appt next Tue., Thurs., and Sat. Whoo!

Too much excitement...

Tomorrow is my second suppression check. I hope to be completely suppressed so I can move onto stims! I will update tomorrow after I know. 
I am currently on my period which is normal for this part of the IVF cycle, but on Monday night I woke up feeling really sick and had terrible cramps. I went to the restroom. Then I thought I was going to throw up. I was hot and sweaty and my ears were ringing. I called to Chris to bring me some water. Then I tried to walk back to my bed. At that point I passed out in the bathroom. I had a pretty nice headache the next morning. I called my doctors office and talked to them about it. I was told to increase fluids and that they will check vitals. I am fine now and I am feeling much better. 

Lupron injection...and ttc mail!

Last night was my first Lupron injection of this cycle! I have an appt next Thursday and I pray I am completely suppressed so I can move onto stim injections on the 22nd! I can't believe we are at this point! Praying and believing in God and believing in Chris and my miracle baby!! I will keep you updated as we go through our cycle. Thank you to each one of you who gives support and the encouraging messages. We really appreciate it! I had two girls that sent me cards and I really appreciated them! Body Shop Girl 
and Jessica. I really appreciate your kind words and I hung your cards on my bathroom mirror with my other encouraging words I write on them! I can look at them daily and remember I have lots of people rooting for us! Love you girls! :)

Wait for the Lord..

This post I am being more vulnerable in what I share. Please don't criticize me for my feelings or failures.

Wait for the Lord; Be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. Psalm 27:14

I have been preparing my mind, body, and soul for my IVF round three cycle. My goal is to cast all fears aside. I know this is hard..you don't have to tell me that or remind me. I have been through enough infertility, disappointments, and Miscarriage to know fear creeps in the mind a lot. Every time I am getting a negative thought...which honestly happens more than I would like to admit..I say no! I am not fearing! God is in control and I am not letting the devil put fear into my heart, mind, and soul. Will I have fear? I am sure, but my goal is to cast it away. I believe in the promises of God. I am praying for the desires of my heart. God knows my desires. I am crying out to him what exactly I want! I read a book called Supernatural Childbirth. After reading that I decided I need to cry out my desires. I have prayed for my last cycles of course, but this round is different. I am believing more than ever! I am trusting God. I am not going t fill my mind with What ifs? What if I never have a baby? I have to stop that!
Another thing I am trying my best at is praying better for my ttc friends. I am praying to God for great embryo quality and pregnancy for them. I have to admit that sometimes I get so wrapped up in my journey that I sometimes haven't been great at praying a lot of specifically for my ttc friends. I am getting better. I feel like it is a strength that God is giving me because I have to admit it is hard to wish and pray  for someone else on something you want to bad too! BUT, I am tired of feeling jealous, angry, and bitter every time I see a pregnancy announcement etc in the facebook world or anywhere for that matter. 

Prayers:
**Next Suppression check that I will be fully suppressed and can move onto stim meds!
 
 

 

"Lets get this beautiful woman pregnant!" :)

Hello there! I bet you are wondering what my title means...huh? :) I had my suppression check number 1 today. Dr. R came in and shook my hand and said it was great seeing me again. Then he turned to the nurse and said "Lets get this beautiful woman pregnant." It made me feel special. Hahaha. Anyway, the ultra sound seemed great and then I went over to have my blood work done. My estrogen levels came back good and I get to start my Lupron on March 10th! I am excited. It seems like my endo diet is helping! :) When I went over to Bennet to get my bloodwork done the nurse looked at me and said, "Are you getting skinny?" Haha. I said yes, I have lost 24 lbs. Then I told her she was the only one noticed because they didn't take my weight at Dr. R office. I was glad she could tell I have been working hard. 
I went to acupuncture afterwards. It was nice and relaxing. 
All seems to be going well so far. 
My prayers for this cycle are:
*To have a smooth cycle
*Good quality of eggs
*at least 1 embryo that makes it to freeze (neither 1st or 2nd cycle had any make it to freeze)
*To have a baby or babies
 

Ask God for the desire of your heart...

My goal for this IVF cycle is to take more pictures of our journey. I plan on posting them on my blog and I am in the process of making a scrapbook of our journey. I will include pictures and cards from my ttc girls. 

I paid for my IVF medicine and it should be delivered next Tuesday. Our insurance had us switch pharmacies and now we are paying double for our meds then we did last time. It is frustrating. Oh well. At least we have insurance..right? 

I bought a new book called Prayers & Promises for Supernatural Childbirth. I highly recommend it. It is a short read. Lots of scriptures and prayers to guide you through the journey without fear in your heart. I am praying over my body and asking God for the desire in my heart. I would appreciate you all to pray for us too. 

I made a shirt for my IVF cycle. I will upload a picture soon. The front says I love (heart) IVF. Then the back says Team Baby Mace. 
I plan on wearing it for my retrieval and transfer. I have an appt in two weeks and I am excited to get the show on the road! :)

Praying for strength through this process and less fear. I feel really good about our next cycle. 

A little update for my readers.

I wanted to give a quick update since I am going to share this blog post. First, I wanted to share my weight loss with you all. As most of you know I have stage 4 endo. I have been doing the endo diet for awhile. I can't change that I have endometriosis, but I can change my diet. So, I have been working really hard on that. I am doing gluten free, dairy free, etc. I have a cheat night once a week and usually on Friday nights. I have lost 20 lbs and I am down a pant size and shirt size. I am pretty happy about this. I really hope these changes help us with our next IVF cycle. I still do acupuncture too. Ever since changing my diet I have felt better, less cramps during my time of the month. So many benefits to this change.

Chris and I both started antibiotics for a future IVF. I am in the suppression part of IVF. IVF is planned for April. We are excited and scared. My first IVF cycle failed and a lot of things went wrong. I had low estrogen and not good quality of eggs of the 9 that were retrieved. My second IVF cycle I had 21 eggs retrieved, but my estrogen was higher and I was put on meds for hyperstimulation. Sadly, IVF 2 ended in an early miscarriage. We were really sad about it, but we were also a step closer than we have ever been. It was the first pregnancy we experienced in two years of trying. We have been trying to grow our family for over 2 1/2 years now. We are hopeful for IVF 3 and really hope it works for us.  We are trying to stay positive about this cycle, but also trying to prepare for the future if it doesn't work. We are just not sure we can do this anymore. We are both ok with adoption so that may be a plan in the future. For now, we are focusing on our IVF cycle and being positive.

We sing this song at church sometimes and it always speaks to me. I know God never leaves our side. 

Antibiotics are evil!

On Thursday Chris and I started the antibiotics. They are evil! Haha. Last night I took them and my stomach was aching something fierce! It was bad! I ended up barfing my guts out twice. Ugh! Never ever take them on an empty stomach! Mine wasn't empty, but apparently it wasn't full enough! Yucky..I hate that. I also started bc and thankfully it ended my period. Yay! I usually have 7 day long periods..so having it shortened is kinda amazing! :)

The other day while driving I was listening to K-Love. I always listen to K-Love, but Overcomer came on. I wanted to share this song. I am already an overcomer and one day my infertility journey will be over and I will over come this too! I hope you enjoy.

Endometriosis

If you would like more info on Endometriosis  then here is a good site.  I thought I would share because it gives a lot of information and how it interferes with peoples lives that have endo.

Endo link

Starting BC/ IVF #3!

It seems forever since my last IVF cycle. I miscarried in October and time seem slow, until now. I am like wow it is almost time for IVF #3. Third time is a charm? Right?!?! So, here is a little update: AF came (period) today full force. I called my clinic to be placed on the calendar for our IVF/ICSI. The nurse called me back and gave me information and ordered my meds. I start birth control Thursday-March 12th. Last time I wasn't suppressed so hopefully the extra bc will help. I will have an u/s with Dr. R on March 6th. I will start my lupron injections on March 12th! If I am suppressed I will start my regular injections on March 22nd. The projected date for Retrieval is March 31, but I am no newbie to the IVF world and I know that everytime for me it has been pushed back! So, We are looking at the beginning of April for retrieval and transfer! I am excited, but a little scared to be honest. Time to write my verses and encouraging quotes on my mirror again. Please continue to pray for us. IVF cycles are always a little scary. A lot of time, energy, and money go into them. Thank you to each one of you that support us through prayers, encouraging words, and the friendships.

While I am waiting..

A friend/blog reader sent me this song. I thought I would share because I think it is perfect for the infertility journey. Enjoy. Sorry for the short blog post, but I wanted to share this. I hope all of you can find comfort in Jesus.

Being a peace with my infertility

As most of you know I have been on my new diet for three weeks now. That is right, 3 weeks! I have lost 12 lbs also. :) Yes, this diet is hard, but I feel like it is worth it. Chris and I are trying to decide if we want to postpone our next cycle or not. We feel like we may want to give the diet more time to work. We will decide in Feb. what we want to do. I am also buying my essential oils Friday. I will start using those. 

Today while I was driving I just prayed that God would put us at peace even while we are waiting. I have no idea what our future looks like or if it will turn out the way we want it to, but I want to be at peace. I want to stop worrying and being upset during breaks of treatment etc. This is hard...it is hard to give it all to God, but we have to. We have to be happier and live life to the fullest instead of in this crazy infertility mindset. Chris and I have put a lot of things on hold over our infertility journey. Vacations, trips, boats, etc. Well, we have almost decided that we are going to get a camper trailer. Friday we will make our final decision. Wish us luck! 

This may sound lame, but lately I have been kind of down on the thought that all my friends have babies or about to have babies. I feel like they will all be too busy for me when the times comes around for me. I know parenting and being a new mom is hard, but sometimes I really do feel like they are making new lives and making new friends with children already. I really hope it is not true, but that has been something I have worried about for a while. Now, I am going to stop worrying about this and give it to God. It is out of my control and I have to realize that.

This weekend I have two birthday parties to attend. One is for the little boy I nanny and the other is my best friend's daughter's first birthday party! Crazy busy Saturday! It will be fun through.

My prayer request:
1.) That we can decide if we want to postpone treatment and be completely at peace with our choice!
2.) That we stop worrying about our infertility
3.) We focus on each other and fun things to do together! 
4.) I still would love to adopt one day and if it is in God's plan that it will be spoken to us. And, that our families will embrace our choices and support us. 
5.) Continue to pray for our IVF cycle #3.
 

Sunshine award

 

 I was nominated for the sunshine award from body shop girl. The sunshine award is awarded to women in the infertility community that bring sunshine to other girls' lives. How sweet! So I am going to answer her questions and pick 5 other bloggers to award the sunshine award to.


1. Did you always want to be a mother?

Yes, I have always wanted to be a mother. When I was really young I thought I wanted 7 kids! Hahaha!! Now, I would be happy with just one little blessing.

2. At this moment, do your bra and underwear match?
No, I am actually not wearing a bra currently. :)

3. Do you believe in soul mates?
Yes, I am married to my soul mate. We started dating in high school. 

4. What show is returning this month that you are excited to watch? Why?

Switched at Birth. It is one of the few shows I actually watch on a regular basis. I just really enjoy the show. 


5. Do you have a predetermined limit for when you no longer will TTC?

No. I feel that God will place it on my heart when the time is to stop or keep moving forward. I feel if it is God's plan for us to adopt and stop IVF cycles we will know.

6. Name a personal quirk that drives your partner crazy.

I have to be early everywhere. It drives him crazy! LOL

7. If I try to friend you on Facebook, will you pretend to not have one?

LOL no. I love all in infertility sisters.


8. Do you worry more about the appearance of your body or of your face?

My body

9. What do you most look forward to as a mother?

Having a special bond with my child that compares to nothing I have experienced before. 

10. If fertility and money were of no consequence, how many kids would you have?

I would have 3 children

To those who bring sunshine in my life:
http://www.jesseandlauren.com/ 
http://waitingforbabybird.com/ 
http://smalltownfamily2011.blogspot.com/ 
http://andbabymakesthree3.blogspot.com/ 
http://missingbump.blogspot.com/ 

Here is your questions:
1. Does anyone else in your family struggle with infertility?
2. What is your favorite sport to watch?
3. If all of us TTC sisters could meet up, where would you want to go?
4. What is the craziest thing you have tried while ttc?
5. How many siblings do you have?
6. Do you enjoy the mountains or the ocean more? Why?
7. What are you going to enjoy the most about being a mom?
8. How many pets do you have? What are their names?
9. What is your favorite movie?
10. What have you learned most about yourself during this ttc journey?

Hello 2014

I am so happy to see 2014. 2013 was a rough one and I feel like things can only get better from here. I wanted to update you all on my new diet change for my endo. I have been doing it for 7 days now. It has been really hard...I mean really hard! The hardest part so far is the no dairy and wheat. Gluten free bread has been rough. I am finding more gluten free products that I like though. I also think when eating out can be very difficult since there is usually not much on the menus that I can actually eat. Yesterday we went to a Thunder basketball game and we had some amazing friends invite us in the suite area. It was awesome. Thankfully they had food I could eat....until the dessert. Everyone was eating these yummy and very big desserts. My mouth was watering. I didn't touch any! I was proud of myself. This diet is not a New Year resolution. It is for my fertility. I want my next IVF cycle to work so much that I am willing to about try anything. I can already tell a difference in the way I feel. I am less tired. I will see if I notice changes in cramps/pain while I am on my period soon. I have already lost about 4 lbs. I do want to lose weight so this diet is a win win! For each goal of weight I lose I get something special. I made a list out last week with Chris. I am excited because I am almost to my first 5lb goal! :) 
Please continue to pray for Chris and I. We should be starting meds in Feb. I pray I can stay positive and encouraged during IVF #3. Please 2014 let this be our year!